definitive proof that the universe hates me

March 23, 2010

Let me tell you about my day.  No, let me tell you merely about my day between 6:15pm and 11:00pm.


So, there are 4 buses home, directly from Golden to Boulder.  The first three were fine apparently.  I was still busy.  The fourth left Boulder as usual, headed south to pick me up, and got stuck on the highway.

My day would’ve been better if I were on it.

Of course, I don’t know any of this.  What I do know is that the weatherman said, “meh, up to an inch of snow this afternoon, the real snowfall will be overnight, up to a foot maybe.”  Okay, fine.  I wear jeans, chucks, cotton socks to lab, figuring that’s no biggie at all since I’ll be home at 7pm at the latest.  Yeah, uh-huh.

“Up to an inch of snow” suddenly becomes “MOTHERFUCKING BLIZZARD APOCALYPSE” sometime around 6:15pm.  Yes, exactly the time our heroine chooses to depart the lab.

So I wait for the bus for half an hour before I call the bus folks.  They tell me I missed it.  Huh?  Um, no.  Lady across the street is running to the store to get cigarettes, feels sorry for me, and offers me a ride.  Since I’m soaked to the bone by this point, I decide to take her up on it, as long as she picks a store directly on the bus line.  Fine.  Deal.  She’s a hero (thanks Danielle!).  Alright, so I’m now hanging out in a Safeway, dripping all over the floor of produce.  I call the bus folks again.  I get someone much more helpful, either that or maybe I’m just way more demanding by now, and I discover that the bus got stuck and isn’t ever coming.  Fine.  I ask what time I can hope to catch the bus into Denver, where I can then catch a bus to Boulder.  This option takes 2 hours on a good day.

Fine.  Should work. bSucks, but whatever, should get me home eventually.  Activate Plan B!  Yeah, uh-huh.  Plan B involves a further 35 minutes of standing outside in the blizzard, since the bus could come any minute and I can’t see the stop from inside Safeway (due to white-out conditions).  I am still completely soaked through.  I begin to shiver uncontrollably.  I begin to lose feeling in my toes.  I begin to cry.  I think I’m at the wrong bus stop.  I walk to a cross street and flag down another bus.  Turns out I was at the right bus stop.  The bus chooses this moment to come.  I sprint to catch it.  Sprint, I’ll have you, through mid-shin-deep snow.  Mmm, fun.  I catch the bus.  I shiver.  I take my shoes and socks off and all of my toes are white.  Not so great really.  Too bad that frostbite first aid involves warm water, of which I have none.

I get to Denver, and the bus driver has pity on me, and saves me a block’s walk by  dropping me off between stops.  He is a hero (thanks, 16L-driver!).  I wait for another bus, that will take me to the other bus station.  It comes.  I ride it.  I shiver some more.  I get to Market Street Station and feel like throwing a party, because there is a Boulder-bound bus, sitting in the station, leaving in 15 minutes.  Highway 36 westbound is open.  There is a hot air hand dryer in the bathroom.  I find a smushed peanut-butter sandwich in my backpack.  Party time, indeed!

I get on the bus, the highway sucks, but we make it to Boulder.  Turns out 36 eastbound is closing as we drive past it, looks like a wreck (or ten, or twenty).  More than two dozen abandoned vehicles who couldn’t make it up Shanahan Ridge on the side of the road, and hundreds more in the process of trying not to add to that count.  No wonder they decided to block it off (for the second time this evening, actually).

I get off the bus, trudge through the knee-deep slush, and put my hands in my pockets.  My pockets are empty.  My phone is on the bus.  Phone.  On the bus.  Yeah.  I chase the bus waving my arms, but it’s not very effective in the knee-deep slush.  Motherfucker.  Motherfucker!  I kick some snow.  The snow isn’t impressed.

At this point it’s pretty much just despair.  I am ungodly tired, have lost my phone, and a few hours ago I was concerned about hypothermia and frostbite (all ten of my toes are now pink and have most of their feeling back, though).

Yes, the universe hates me.

But I am not going to work tomorrow!  FUCK YOU, BLIZZARD, you are not doing this to me again.  You may be bigger and meaner, but I am smarter than you.



  1. That sounds absolutely horrific. I hope you are warm and cozy all day today to make up for it.

  2. […] like this make me very glad I wasn’t on the GS bus today (see this post from last spring if you want to see what that means).  They also make me very, very glad that […]

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