Posts Tagged ‘gripes’

h1

open letters: friday commute edition

November 18, 2011

Dear person next to me on the bus,

Despite what you are texting to your friend, “the white lady” next to you — me, that is — does not, in fact, “think you are contagious or something.”

Have you never ridden a bus before?  It is generally considered polite to stay out of a seat mate’s personal space as much as is feasible.  When one’s seat mate is large or is rudely taking up more than half of the bench — like you are, for instance — that sometimes involves hanging out into the aisle a bit.

Also, let’s do a reality check here.  If I am close enough to unintentionally see your text messages, I’m not treating you like you’re contagious.  Choosing to stand instead of occupying the half-seat worth of space you left me (asshole) would be treating you like you’re contagious.

While I am sorry that you apparently have reason to think professionally-dressed white women would treat you like you’re contagious, I am nonetheless offended that you assume it.  And I’m especially offended that you wouldn’t scoot over further on a packed bus.

Kindly go to hell, Lady Quantum

——————————————————–

Dear TTA,

When a bus is scheduled for 4:27 p.m., it’s generally polite for the bus to arrive within a 15 minute window of 4:27 p.m.

Or to arrive at all.

Because nobody is happy when two buses’ worth of rush-hour commuters are packed onto one bus.  Especially not my surly seat mate, it would seem.

My sincere thanks for a miserable commute, Lady Quantum

——————————————————–

Dear Dook,

I understand that you regularly schedule athletic events, and that sometimes these events necessitate the closure of campus roads.

Major crosstown thoroughfares are not campus roads.  Please do not park your little flashing-light parking truck in the middle of the motherfucking road, and especially do not yell at me for pulling a u-turn when I come up against your little flashing-light parking truck.  Where the fuck was I supposed to go?  Into your parking lot?  Go to hell.

Further, your traffic signs that are designed to warn unsuspecting drivers of upcoming events and direct traffic have been stuck on “IRON DUKES PASS SECOND LEFT” for a month.  This is extremely unhelpful.

I wish you a thousand defeats.  I would wish them anyway, but now I’m doing it more vehemently.

Please fuck off and die, Lady Quantum

——————————————————–

Dear drivers of Durham,

The speed limit on NC 751 is 55 mph, not 35 mph.  Please observe it, because some of us have been trying to get home for more than two hours and are really fucking pissed.

Have a terrible weekend, Lady Quantum

Advertisements
h1

things i don’t like: the too-much-to-do edition

February 8, 2011

Today, I woke up on the floor of a farmhouse in northeastern Georgia, at 5 a.m. eastern.  My plane departed a sunny day in Atlanta at 9 a.m. eastern, and touched down in Denver half an hour late in light snow and single-digit temperatures at 11 a.m. mountain time.  The RTD bus back to my neighborhood was an hour late.  I made hot chocolate, frozen potstickers, took a shower and started writing a 15-page paper that’s due at 6 p.m. tonight.  I give a presentation on this same paper (finished on the plane) also at 6 p.m.  it’s now 4:43 p.m., and I’m blogging because I don’t have to.

I have a pile of correspondence and a journal manuscript that needs my final approval in my inbox.  I have to lead a workshop in my journalism class (hah, like I know anything about journalism) at 9 a.m.

I want a nap so badly it hurts.

Oh, and I’m moving to Athens.  More on that later … after a nap, or six.

h1

my research is easier than your bureaucracy

February 2, 2011

Dear physics department,

You offer thesis-track master’s degrees.  I know this because there’s a detailed page about it on your website.    Why don’t you know it?

Please know this in the future.  It would make my life a lot less difficult.  You have no idea, department, how hard it is to get you to sign forms and approve processes that you’re not aware exist.  They do exist!  I know they exist, the graduate school knows they exist, your goddamn website knows they exist!  Please, please, please learn that they exist so that I don’t get strangled by (apparently invisible) red tape.

Also, if one more professor looks at me in shock and says, “Why don’t you just do Comps II?  I’ve never heard of anyone writing a thesis before,” that professor is likely to meet an untimely death by paper cut.  Yes, department, I am threatening to paper cut someone to death with the form I’m trying to get them to sign, and don’t you dare think I’m bluffing.  It will take a long time, but my rage is fierce and I am dedicated.  I am not doing Comps II because I would rather write a thesis, and my (non-departmental) advisor thinks it’s a good idea too.  It is that simple, and it is not any of your concern, because you offer a goddamn thesis-track master’s degree.

Please die.

Love, Lady Quantum

h1

in which i continue to blog about the weather

January 30, 2011

This weekend was glorious,  in a lot of ways.  Yesterday was another beautiful day, and although I spent it trying on clothes in a mall (ugh), I at least got to bike a few miles to the mall and back in the nice weather.  I also got a hot (but professional) suit out of it, which was the point, so that’s good.   Today I went hiking up a nifty little canyon trail west of Loveland.   Now, I’m in lab, but we’ll ignore that sad fact (7pm on a Sunday eve?  eww) and focus on the good.

Except that I just checked the forecast.  This is what I found:

Colorado, you are out of my good books. What the hell are you thinking, doing this to me?

Yay?  I knew you couldn’t keep away forever, winter, but I’m still going to resent you for it.

 

h1

an open letter, and a story of startling incompetence

January 20, 2011

Dear Verizon Wireless,

Despite your brilliantly friendly and helpful customer service representatives, I hope you die and go to hell.  I will never, ever, everevereverever EVER be buying service from you again.

Ever.

If your company one day has a complete monopoly on cell phone service, and I have to choose between buying service from you and not having a cell phone, I will not have a cell phone.  Your incompetence astounds me, and I can’t believe I pay you $70 a month to fuck things up so royally.  Please die.

Love,
Lady Quantum

————————–

So the story here…

Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

i really ought to know better by now

January 20, 2011

It’s been a stressful couple of weeks.  It’s also been an awesome couple of weeks.  This peculiar cocktail of stressful and awesome has left me really, really, really wanting to spend some time with the partner.  Alas alack and woe, he lives 47 miles to the north of me (not as the crow flies, but as Miss Piggy drives).

Problem: today it snowed on the Front Range, probably about 3″ in grand total.  So the fuck what? you say.  It’s January.  It’s Colorado.  My point is…?

Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

lady quantum’s guide to biking in the snow

January 10, 2011

Don’t.



My boots looked like this too. My boots...and the entire front of my body. Face included.

Too snowy to use the nice bike with a front fender (it has skinny tires and friction brakes) in the morning, it got too wet in the afternoon to use the knobby-tired beater three-speed and not get everything from my face down to my boots coated in brown slush.  So, I got coated in brown slush.  Mmm.  Good thing I needed to do laundry anyway.